I have two daughters. Norah is 4 and Aspen is just 3 months. Their lives look very different than mine did as a child. My father left when I was a 9 years old. I was raised half by my single mother, and half by my widowed grandmother. When I got married, I didn’t know much about what it meant to be in a good marriage and I had to learn a lot of things through trial and error 。

我有两个女儿：4岁的诺拉和才3个月大的阿斯彭 。她们的童年生活和我的很不一样 。九岁那年，我父亲离我而去 。我是由单亲妈妈和寡居的外祖母一起抚养长大的 。当我结婚时，我不大清楚美满的婚姻意味着什么 。但一路摸爬滚打走过来，我从中学会了许多 。

Even at their young age, I think a lot about my daughters’ future and whether I’m setting a better example than the one I had. Below is a list of things I’ve learned about marriage that I’d like them to know 。

虽然她们现在还小，但是关于她们的未来，以及相比我所经历的，我是否给她们树立了好的榜样？对此我想了很多 。以下列出的几点是我从自己的婚姻中感悟出的，我想告诉她们 。

(Author’s Note: I know that views on marriage are changing. This list is based on my own experience in a straight marriage because it’s all I know 。)

(作者补注：对婚姻的看法一直都在变化 。以下几点仅是根据我个人的经验，因为这是关于婚姻我所知道的全部 。)

Don’t let your husband pressure you into sex: Most likely your husband will want sex more than you expect. Don’t let your husband pressure you into things you are not comfortable with. Talk openly about sex with him. Discuss your expectations and try hard to understand his. Although sex is important, be sure that you both realize that it is only one part of your marriage, it isn’t the whole marriage 。

不要因为你的丈夫而被迫爱爱：很有可能，你丈夫的需求超过了你的需要 。但不要因为丈夫而被迫去做让你觉得不舒服的事 。同你的丈夫坦诚交流性爱 。告诉他你的期望，同时也尽力理解他的 。虽然性爱非常重要，但确保你们夫妻双方都明白，这仅是部分，而非婚姻的全部 。

Don’t lower your expectations of your husband after marriage. Raise them: After marriage, it’s easy to get comfortable. I’ve never understood why this happens, because marriage is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s easy to let things slide after marriage. To expect fewer dates, fewer flowers, fewer love letters. Don’t. In fact, expect more and you will get it. And do the same for him. Once you have children, those little trinkets of affection may be the only things that keep your marriage above water 。

婚后不要降低你对丈夫的期望，提高期望值 。婚后，彼此很容易就懈怠了，对婚姻也是听之任之 。约会少了，鲜花少了，情书也少了 。对此，我一直无法理解，因为经营婚姻是最困难的事情 。不要这样 。事实上，如果你期待更多，得到的也更多 。对你丈夫，也是如此 。一旦你有了孩子，也许那些爱的小玩意正是维持你婚姻的关键 。

Tell him what you want as frankly, and plainly as possible: I know this sounds cliché, but men and women communicate differently. Most men speak plainly. They like the obvious to be spelled out. Rather than hoping that he will pick up on your hints, say things like, “Take me out more,” or “Don’t give me an answer, just listen to me for a while because I need to vent,” or “I’m really frustrated with the kids. It’s not you. Just let me be alone for a while and I will be fine 。”

想要什么，尽可能坦率地告诉你的丈夫 。听上去好像又是陈词滥调，但是男女沟通方式不一样 。男人大都直截了当，不喜拐弯抹角 。不要让他们猜你的言外之意，类似于“带我出去 。”、“不要告诉我答案，只要听我说一会话，因为我想要发泄一下 。”、“我真拿这帮孩子没辙 。不是你的问题 。让我安静独处一会，然后我就会没事了”等等 。

Sometimes the house will be a mess and it’s his fault, too: When I say sometimes, I mean most of the time. Especially after you have kids. He has as much of an obligation to clean the house as you do, so tell him to stop complaining and do the laundry 。

有时，房间会杂乱不堪，这也是他的错 。我说有时，我其实是说大多数时候 。尤其是你有孩子后，他同你一样都有责任收拾房子，所以告诉他停止抱怨，洗衣服去 。

Sometimes it will feel like he’s stomping on your feelings, when in fact he’s just wandering blindly: Your husband is going to forget to do things. A lot of things. He’s going to say stupid things, too. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Realize that most likely his actions or statements were not malicious. He didn’t intend to hurt you or not do something on purpose 。

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标题：爸爸想对女儿说的十件关于婚姻的事|爸爸想对女儿说的十件关于婚姻的事