口语只靠一句话速成语法!| 附大作文批改范文
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It is such a progressively prevalent tendency that
adolescents
children
are less regulated compared with the past. Personally, it can be regarded as being
beneficial overall
a positive trend.
Children
是孩子
10岁以内
Adolescent
青年
14-19岁以内
Above all, being more autonomous
m
eans children are trusted and respected to a larger extent.
I
n other words,
使
用错误,
这是对上一句的解释
而你说的是相反情况,这是说管制孩子的不好,跟主题无关 去掉 teenagers are conventionally ruled stringently throughout the parenting, it is especially the case in East Asia where the authority of older generations tends to be scarce. Consequently, most decision-making processes relevant to children, including their own daily timetables, are interfered with or even determined by their parents,causing disagreements and more seriously, conflicts between both sides. Contemporarily, however, in a majority of countries particularly those developed Western nations the reverse is true, leading to more comfortable,democratic family atmospheresWith mutual trust and respect, benefiting the further growth of the younger generations.这一段跟主题无关,
多余
去掉
主体段从这里开始 :
More noticeably,
On the one hand, it is such trend that brings more responsible and capable social members in the long run.
主题句
From the perspective of responsibility, much less parental involvement is likely to push their sons or daughters to think and decide to do anything independently, as independence should be the best stimulus for cultivating their sense of responsibility both personally and socially. It is not uncommon to hear that a sizeable proportion of Western upper-class young children are required to experience the social life by determining weekly budgets on their own with limited money, despite some inevitable hardships and frustrations. Meanwhile, only through considerably more freedom granted, juveniles are allowed to address challenges and concerns encountered by exercising wisdom and talents,thus constantly enhancing abilities ranging from stress-relief to interpersonal skills with richer life experiences. Ultimately, they are expected to be desirably capable after come of age.
这一段要写给孩子太多自由的弊端
:
Undeniably,
some negative influences cannot be ignored. Excessive amount of freedom also generates some drawbacks. Children are so young and impulsive that they tend to be engaged in some activities for fun and ignore its adverse impacts. For example, young children are more likely to be addicted to watching TV or playing digital device without restriction or guidance from their parents. Gradually, it is detrimental to their wellbeing and growth.
t
hose minors are still somehow immature both physically and psychologically, leaving room for potential risks regarding safety and well-being. Nevertheless, providing them with more liberty does not automatically mean that no rules and guidance exist. Indeed, even in above-mentioned Western regions such as the US or UK, children are still frequently instilled with the consciousnesses related to personal sanitation and self-protection, whereas baselines are always set for wrongdoings and misconducts, thereby maximising the merits independence and self-reliance could introduce.
To summarise, this current development is definitely positive in general based on the respect and trust,but proper guidance should also be given for fostering a sense of discipline.
sense of responsibility and rosier societal competences it can bring to young individuals, benefiting the society as a whole.
Task response 6
Coherence 5
Vocabulary 8
Grammar 8
Overall 6.5
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