【托福作文批改】20分：语法错误比较多托福作文20分

题目:无

作文内容：

As the society develops, there are more and more forms for student to work on projects assigned by teachers. Some people think students would learn same thing, whether they are asked to work alone on projects or not. However, I completely agree with that[b1] students may learn much more stuff effectively.

Firstly, grouped work could teach students how to cooperate. In present generation, cooperation is required as a [b2] extremely necessary skill for people. When students step into real [b3] society, they will definitely be asked to do grouped works by their job[b4] . A person without conscious of grouping,[b5] can not stand on this society [b6] excellently. My older [b7] brother just find[b8] a job in a big company and he has had to stuck with workmates to deal with a number of works. He shall always done works [b9] perfectly with his group mates, because he knows how to cooperate and how to contribute his biggest value when he is in a group, since fortunately he had teachers who frequently asked him work[b10] with other students on projects. The ability of cooperation, certainly has been strongly inspired during his school life by the teachers.

Second of all, students can find excellence of [b11] others and absorb it as an [b12] personal traits when they work together. No one is perfectly good at all fields of knowledge, so we have to learn and vide shinning point within ability of other people. Should and will we find[b13] our own weakness, then galvanize ourself [b14] to build our weakness stronger. For instance, I’m not truly keen on Chemistry, so in a group project I always would [b15] learn bunch of significant things form other group mates. This is an extremely improvement for me, and is[b16] also do the students who helped me lots of good, because they could increase there [b17] understanding of knowledge largely during the process of teaching me.

In a word, students can always learn many useful things sufficiently, when they are asked [b18] work together on project[b19] assigned by teachers. It will help them to, not only in present, but also become an person with stronger personal skills in the future.[b20]

[b1]表达错误，agree that [b1]或者 agree with the idea that

[b2]an

[b3]删除

[b4]被动关系使用不恰当，工作不能要求人，参考： grouped work will be inevitable which will require cooperation and mutual-understanding.

[b5]表达不当，

团队意识“team consciousness、team spirit ”

[b6]表达不当,这里可以表达为“难以融入/适应团队或社会”

参考：。。。can not fit in/ blend in the group/society

[b7]句子之间要有过度词或过渡句，避免太过突兀。

比如：for instance、 take …for example…

[b8]时态混乱，注意and 前后时态保持一致，has found

[b9]时态混乱He always do his work [b9]或He has done his work [b9]…

[b10]to work [b10]

[b11]in

[b12]a

[b13]表达错误We will find [b13]

和前一句有一定的逻辑关系，可以合成一句，

参考：….ability of other people，through which we will find [b13] our own weaknesses and improve ourselves.

[b14]ourselves

[b15]删除

[b16]删除，句中已经有了一个位于动词do

或者修改为is [b16] also doing。。。

[b17]their

[b18]asked [b18]to

[b19]a project [b19]或project [b19]s

[b20]注意not only …but also是一个并列连词，因此前后的并列成分要一致。

参考：It will help them to， not only in present but also in the future, to become an person with stronger personal skills.

各项细评：

针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：

最大的问题集中在语言表达上，尤其是基本的语法错误比较多，有些句子表达不是十分清楚，建议临考前背些常用的模板，句式，在考场上可能有帮助。

附批改原图：

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