【托福作文批改】22分：认证过于跳跃，语法错误多托福作文22分"

作文题目:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

It is more important for universities to spend money on improving facilities than to spend money on hiring famous teachers.

作文内容：

Currently, there is a widespread belief that it is of great importance to spend more money on improving facilities than to spend on hiring famous teachers. By improving facilities, the universities may attract more students, so they can charge more tuition不可数名词s. From my perspective, however, I disagree with this opinion.

Famous teachers can impart important academic knowledge. Why do主谓不一致es those teachersbecome famous? Wordless to say, it is their great education background, expertise in the field they人称代词保持一致he or she study in that contribute to their high reputation among三者以上 the fields. Coupled with a famous teacher coming is the significant and professional academic knowledge that would enable universities to get improved status／obtain a promotion of higher position in academia词性c with greater speed／velocity. Taking one university in Cchina for instance, this university was my ideal choice when I studied in high school. However, with the process of investigating it had been eliminated on my ideallistpushed before I got admittedto university,for I foundind that the reputation of this university mightay be a fake for me又是两个句子之间没有连词. Because引导的从句，不能单独成句Because Iits high reputation was pumped by advanced and pristine崭新的古朴的／innovative equipment, rather than some issues like academic exploration. Without excellentresearch theory，the innovative instruments would still be tools and not play a role in pushingthe academic development.So I think a crucialstandard to evaluate a university must be its academic manifestation. Inviting／recruiting famous teachers can prompt／attribute to it.

在论证方面还稍有欠缺，其实你想表达的是，大学老师有名，是因为科研做的好的。有名的老师，促进学校科研，提升学校名声。而设备只是虚名。但是，你得明确说明，没有技术，只有设备，大学还是没法提升科研。最后你的观点得到设备和科研关系不大，而是技术和老师，关系最大。

Famous teachers can set good examples for the students. Famous teachers are of great moral features and are more willing to educate students in a rigid way. And students would be more possible／likely to get some academic success which is the duty of students in the universities. With the aid of prominent professors, students can carry out experiments and projects moresuccessfully, acquire scholarships from school and national fund, and even win awards from international research competition.Therefore, aAdopting famous teachersnot only does good to students,but also advances the reputation of university as it did in the case of many America universities which rank highly in the list of global universities这句话没有主干，只有动名词. Famous teachers are powerfuland exert positive influence on students, soonly through inviting/recruiting/employing them can universities have good performance in academia词性c and develop well这句话存在两个主谓宾，所以加了一个连词so.

这一段也是缺乏有效例证。老师做好榜样，因为有道德素养，科研精神。学生更能获取学术成就。而这样的影响是什么呢？可以加上，在老师的帮助下，学生的科研很棒，获取许多科研项目、奖金和比赛，也是帮助学校赢得荣誉。

To sum up, considering all the analyses above, we can safely come to the conclusions that hiring famous teachers is more decisivethan improving facilities. Because high quality of academiac is the duty of a university and afamous／distinguished／remarkable teachers can set a good example to let students to follow. So famous teachers can improve universities’ academic atmosphere and influence students’ research andethics quality in a more direct way.

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